For Graduation

Attended the last lecture in my degree course yesterday and so, it sorts of marked the end of my degree.

Well, my last lecture should be on today but I skipped, not sure if it was a good choice. =P

Anyway, seeing friends posting statuses about last day in university and graduation, I feel like I have a lot to say too.

However there are too much to tell, about the campus, the lecturers, the coursemates, the food, the carpark, the events, so on and so forth.

So I will save all my words, to write for the four good friends of mine whom I met in my university life.

Seriously, my other friends called us '4 Golden Flowers', because we always stick together before Ah Ja joined us.

The name sounds very old for me, but undeniable being labelled by others make me think that, yea, this is my clique in uni.

Since in high school, I'm quite reluctant to stuck in one group. I have many different circles of friends, different cliques, different combinations. I enjoy having different interactions with people, sharing and learning from each other.

But at end of the day, there is always a certain clique whom I will be back to when I have problems, when I need advice, when I need to know I belong to somewhere.

The somewhere that always reserve a space for me, the people who are ready to love and care.

So here are them, the clique in my uni life. =)

The sequence doesn't reflect priorities, instead I use alphabetical order of your names! ;)

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Yen, 

Read your blog and it reminds me of the sticker you wrote for me. You wrote: 'You're my mentor!' I never think that you look up to me so much, too much that I think I have been overrated. You said you see resiliency in me, in fact, that is what I learned the most from you! 

I have to admit that your family background makes me assumed you have a difficult life. That may be an unfair judgment but as compared to mine, I feel you have a lot to undergo, especially mental and financial struggles. I am glad that I got to hear from you your stories at the very beginning when we just knew each other. It is because of your willingness to share, it made me feel that you're a tough girl. You do not hide your sadness, anger, or insecurities. You openly talk about them, and then confront them. In studies, you stayed up nights and nights for assignments. I know you paid a lot of efforts and you tried to be perfect too. Perfect, just like beautiful, is a very subjective judgement. 

So I just wanna tell you again (I remembered I wrote you somewhere else), be at your best! =)

In term of romantic relationship, I am not really experienced, but I feel like telling you that: Allow yourself better choices. Somehow I feel you're a little inferior when comes to relationship, maybe I am wrong. Just to tell you, do not trap yourself into the mindset that you only deserve certain kind of guys. Open up yourself, to love. To love genuinely and openly. More importantly, allow yourself to be loved, respectfully. =)

As a friend, you're critical. Critical by here I mean you're not susceptible to norm, you always able to tell me at the face your very frank advice. You speak your mind. Sometimes I wish I could be that true of myself but I don't, unless I am comfortable with that friend. You have your very own Yen style, a strong personality indeed. To be frank, I would say, strong personality invites both admiration and aversion. Make sure you make good use of your strengths ya! ;)

I understand choosing your future career isn't easy, so do I feel. Hence, give yourself time to consider, before making the decision. 

And never afraid to fall. Falling is worthy if learning took place. 

All the best, Yen! =D

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Ja,

The super duper polite and altruistic girl. Altruistic is a strong word, it means when people truly think for others' benefit without asking for repay. And I think it suits you, very much. =)

I forgot how I first know you, but I remember we got closer when we took Sociology class together. We always had lunch together during long breaks and chit chat. You're not as shy  as I thought, you do share about yourself. You gave good advice too. But like many others, I also think that you need to treat yourself better instead of thinking so much for others. However, along the years, I realized that you do, you start to love yourself better. I'm delighted. 

Instead of being so 'polite' with you, I decided (yes, it was a decision) to treat you like a close friend of mine. Making the atmosphere light and comfortable for us to communicate. And I think it is good, and it works. Especially when we shared a room in Sabah, I enjoyed talking to you so carefree.

From the birthday card and daily conversations with you, I know you see me as a positive girl. You think I am intelligent but humble. Overall I am positive in your opinion. Frankly I am glad to hear that from you, because you always able to let me know that I am positive, by reminding me something I said or done. I remembered you told me, you learned a lot from me. It makes me feel that I'm still worthy and useful in some sense, thou I know I am not useless. Haha. 

You said once I told you, I went for jogging and I felt suffocated. My heart beat so fast and I almost passed out. That moment I was talking to myself in mind, 'Stay alive, I don't wanna die yet. I still wanna live my life and see the world.' Since then I know I should enjoy every moment of my life, because life is unpredictable. 
I forgot what you said you learned from this incident, but thanks Ja, you reminded me of two things:

First, I should continue appreciate life.
 Second, never selfish to share my bits and pieces of my life as it may be helpful for another person in this world.

For many reasons, I enjoy talking to you, Ja. 
May you find what you want in life and never stop believing! May luck with you always. =)

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Ya,

Many of the things I wanted to say are written in the letter. So I would just write a brief one here for you. 
You did not lost my letter yet, did you? Haha.

As with Yen, I wanna apologize for misunderstanding many things about you. I do not know what exactly are the things that enlightened me during the concert, but after watching SGM's video, I felt the confusions and misunderstandings suddenly all solved. It's like, I finally know the answers behind. So thanks for inviting us to the concert, to allow me to have the chance to understand you deeper after 3 years of friendship. =)

Positivity sparks in your eyes, I was not sure why but now I think I know. You have many deep rooted values and beliefs in life which are positive. You see love and hope in this world, no matter how the situations deteriorate. You remind me of the spirit of never give up. Maybe you believe that the sun is always still behind the clouds when it is pouring heavily. Sorry for mistaken many of your principles as hardheaded and stubborn. A person like me who is easily shaken by others' judgment, needs to learn a lot from you. The ability to hold on to own beliefs, to never give up hope.

We are indeed at the junctions like you said. I do not wish for us to choose the same path, I only wish for us to choose our own right path. It is always hard to say goodbye. But goodbye is always followed by see you again. So I wish you all the best and we will definitely see again! =D

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Bing,

The coconut tree! That's really a nice depiction of you. You're really helpful when things are within your abilities. You're a good host too! I love your colourful sofa by the way. Hehe.

Well, being helpful is great, but remember where to draw the line. Do not let people take you for granted, and take advantages of you. You know sometimes even me myself, I will get comfortable of being 'served' by you at your house and forgot the basic courtesy. So I reminded myself, do not take granted of your help, and remind you too, do not let others make use of your helpfulness. =)

There's not much I wanted to tell you here because I talked to you a lot from time to time. Maybe I only wish that you can have the courage and hope to overcome the obstacles in your life and in your heart. 
Do not let the negative experiences halt your way, make them the motivation instead of roadblock. 
One day, whether is sooner or later, you will find what you want, be it career or relationship. 
You can make differences in life! =)

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Dear Me,

 Congratulations! Please give yourself a pat on your shoulder and say, 'Good job, Siau Voon! You completed your degree course with acceptably good results, and learned a lot.' 

You managed to score in subjects even you certainly are not the most hardworking student. Friends like to call you as the top or first class student (p/s, you're only second upper), they known you as an intelligent girl in studies. In other words, people think you're nerd. But you know the best, you're indeed the very last minute worker, blessed with the capability to understand concepts quickly. Thank your parents for the brain, somehow easier to form connections at many synapses perhaps (Biopsych!). Not saying you do not give a shit on results, you do, you cared a lot. However many times you were still blessed with good luck. You never think you're smart, you think people who paid more effort in studies should score, but you're happy that the outcomes always side you thou. Life is unfair, in this case, you should be happy it is biased towards you, lucky girl. Working is not luck-dependent anymore, so please, show your effort! =P

Alright, I know you paid effort on studies too, maybe I'm being too extreme. I would like to give you extra credits on your thesis work. Great job for you, you never give up hope and recruited enough participants. You read more journals than you expected, from abstract to conclusion. You finished it in an organized and structured way although you were busy for 30-Hour Famine secretary work at the same time. And so, you were rewarded by the 'surprise and sudden defense' from the department, then gained yourself an A for the paper. 
Despite your doubts on your thesis topic every now and then, maybe you should learn to accept the A in a more positive way. Your research area may be boring, but you did an in-depth and thorough analysis. Or perhaps you should think that, you're good in research skills! Yes, please for once, accept the A for your work! =)

In these 3 years in psychology degree, I have seen you grown. Thank to the nature of the course, you learned that life is beyond study and work. You learned a lot about perspectives. You see life differently now. You reached out to people outside university. You joined programs and activities. You witnessed the disabled, taught the orphans, distributed goods to aborigines, and underwent hunger for charity. I'm proud of you for making yourself jump out your comfort zone and participated in great events. You could do a lot more, but since time's up for you in university, look forward to the CSR next time when you're working. Remember what you told yourself? 
Start sponsoring a kid when you got your first salary! 
Try to achieve that dream! =)

You met diverse styles of lecturers, as well as course mates. Although you're like normal people who will rant and complain, you appreciate all the experiences. For you, good and bad encounters both shaped you the person you are now. You learned from good and bad experiences, because they all widened your perspective. The thing you still need to learn perhaps is how to say sorry. You know how to say thank you, but you never say a proper sorry. Many times you know you're at fault, but instead of apologize, you either let it fades or jump straight to fix the problem. Learn to say sorry, because it heals the relationships. It takes courage to admit your mistakes, but it will bring you further in life. 
So, learn this powerful word besides thank you.

You got results that many people look up to, you have good friends, and you joined great activities. But deep inside you aren't satisfied, like never. There's always better for you. You look up to the best, because you know whatever you achieved, is not yet your best. So, remind yourself again and again, next time if you haven't done your best, do not be greedy to be on top. Only when you tried your really best, even you fall, tell yourself that you are already the best. You know what I mean, you always know what I think, but you need to put them into actions. Thoughts are not bringing you to real success without you implementing them. Remember to push yourself a little more!

Your degree life has been great, in fact your life is great. Never stop showing the gratitude to people who make your life beautiful. 
You owed your mommy, love, care, and support. 
You owed your boyfriend, love and companionship. 
You owed your friends, patience and concerns. 
You owed your lecturers, knowledge and the willingness to share. 
You are the you today, should never forget to give credits to people around you.

Thank you, everyone.
Thank you, Siau Voon.
=D